Who Are We?
We are family caregivers. We become caregivers because we love somebody who is handicapped or frail, or who has become chronically ill, demented. Perhaps, they are even dying.
We learn, as caregivers, that we have no control. No say in the progress of the disease taking over our spouse’s body or our parent’s mind. No chance to change the handicap which sets limits on our child or sibling. No way to stop the effects that aging imposes on a dear friend.
And so we find ways to incorporate new demands on our time and energy. We change household, family and work routines to accommodate home care, therapies, and visits to the hospital or nursing home. Time, time! We often feel prisoner to it, even desperate in its clutches. Our own needs often go to the bottom of the list, and the situation is always just inside of impossible. We give up more and more and sometimes, when we grab for a cup of “me”, we discover it’s close to empty.
“Finding The Smile” workshops employ storytelling as a strategy for connecting caregivers with family and friends in ways that refill the cup.
Caregivers learn to craft 2-minute stories that engage and even entertain a listener. We practice shaping and telling our own stories, and listening to other caregivers tell theirs.
“Stories are medicine…,…small doses of what matters, and it is the telling that releases the medicine, the telling that soothes our pain and shares our joy.”
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.”
Mark Nepo
The Exquisite Risk (2007)
We learn, as caregivers, that we have no control. No say in the progress of the disease taking over our spouse’s body or our parent’s mind. No chance to change the handicap which sets limits on our child or sibling. No way to stop the effects that aging imposes on a dear friend.
And so we find ways to incorporate new demands on our time and energy. We change household, family and work routines to accommodate home care, therapies, and visits to the hospital or nursing home. Time, time! We often feel prisoner to it, even desperate in its clutches. Our own needs often go to the bottom of the list, and the situation is always just inside of impossible. We give up more and more and sometimes, when we grab for a cup of “me”, we discover it’s close to empty.
“Finding The Smile” workshops employ storytelling as a strategy for connecting caregivers with family and friends in ways that refill the cup.
Caregivers learn to craft 2-minute stories that engage and even entertain a listener. We practice shaping and telling our own stories, and listening to other caregivers tell theirs.
“Stories are medicine…,…small doses of what matters, and it is the telling that releases the medicine, the telling that soothes our pain and shares our joy.”
“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.”
Mark Nepo
The Exquisite Risk (2007)
Why Storytelling?
The experience of caregiving is so absorbing we may forget what our life looks like to those outside of it. We lose track of the moment when everything changed.
It happens simply enough. There’s a diagnosis, or a significant birthday, or an incident which puts us on notice. Things have to change. We begin juggling job and household and family responsibilities to make room, find time.
Then comes the disappointment with other family members who can’t see what needs to be done, or don’t offer to help. Or, when they do, we simply can’t think what to ask them for. What happens when they stop asking how we are? Or if they do ask, we find ourselves saying “okay”, simply because we don’t know how to begin answering.
“Tell me about it!” That’s the invitation in the storytelling sessions at the heart of a workshop developed by Kathleen McCarthy Marx Banchoff: “Finding the Smile: Asking for Help Through Story.”
Looking for a story to tell something to say about our lives as caregivers, and learning to craft it into a 2-minute story creates new connections. with a larger community. Translating our experiences and feelings into stories can lead us to new and deeper realizations about ourselves and our loved ones. Telling a crafted story to different audiences gives us a chance to find the smile in our own hearts, and share it with others.
In short, learning to tell a 2-minute story Telling our own caregiving storieswell -- that is, in an engaging way — refills our cup.
“The marvelous thing about learning from a story is that a story never ends, so our learning from it need not end either.”
Parker J. Palmer
The Active Life (1990)
It happens simply enough. There’s a diagnosis, or a significant birthday, or an incident which puts us on notice. Things have to change. We begin juggling job and household and family responsibilities to make room, find time.
Then comes the disappointment with other family members who can’t see what needs to be done, or don’t offer to help. Or, when they do, we simply can’t think what to ask them for. What happens when they stop asking how we are? Or if they do ask, we find ourselves saying “okay”, simply because we don’t know how to begin answering.
“Tell me about it!” That’s the invitation in the storytelling sessions at the heart of a workshop developed by Kathleen McCarthy Marx Banchoff: “Finding the Smile: Asking for Help Through Story.”
Looking for a story to tell something to say about our lives as caregivers, and learning to craft it into a 2-minute story creates new connections. with a larger community. Translating our experiences and feelings into stories can lead us to new and deeper realizations about ourselves and our loved ones. Telling a crafted story to different audiences gives us a chance to find the smile in our own hearts, and share it with others.
In short, learning to tell a 2-minute story Telling our own caregiving storieswell -- that is, in an engaging way — refills our cup.
“The marvelous thing about learning from a story is that a story never ends, so our learning from it need not end either.”
Parker J. Palmer
The Active Life (1990)
How to Find Your Smile
Goals
Tell stories about your caregiving experiences …
… to bring your life with your frail loved one into a new light, and to invite people to see your life as a caregiver it with your eyes.
… to affirm your choices, struggles and experiences as a family caregiver.
… to integrate your role as a caregiver into something larger community.
Principles
Tell a good caregiving story by following three simple rules:
1. You have 2 minutes.
-- and that's if your audience really, really loves you.
2. Go for the punchline
-- know where you're going, so your audience can follow.
3. Leave out the details
-- it's a sketch, not a landscape.
Practice, Practice, Practice!
That’s how you’ll find YOUR smile!
Tell stories about your caregiving experiences …
… to bring your life with your frail loved one into a new light, and to invite people to see your life as a caregiver it with your eyes.
… to affirm your choices, struggles and experiences as a family caregiver.
… to integrate your role as a caregiver into something larger community.
Principles
Tell a good caregiving story by following three simple rules:
1. You have 2 minutes.
-- and that's if your audience really, really loves you.
2. Go for the punchline
-- know where you're going, so your audience can follow.
3. Leave out the details
-- it's a sketch, not a landscape.
Practice, Practice, Practice!
That’s how you’ll find YOUR smile!
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How to Find a Good Story
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How to Tell a Good Story
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